Why Are Bisexual Men Better Lovers Than Straight Men?
By Mikey Carr
In case you missed it, there was a study conducted recently by Deakin University that found that bisexual men are better lovers to their female partners than straight men.
What the study didn’t ask though, is why? Why are bisexual men so much better than our straight brethren when it comes to pleasing women?
Well I have an answer (AN answer, not THE answer mind you) and it all centres around one personal discovery of my own. That getting fucked in the ass makes a man a hell of a lot more empathetic to the female sexual experience.
Before I go on let me just clarify that I’m not saying that all straight men lack empathy and can’t fulfill their partners. What I’m saying is that for me, my sexual experience with other men, getting fucked in the butt in particular, gave me a far deeper appreciation for what heterosexual women go through.
I should also mention that before this anal epiphany I was what I would call now a closet misogynist. Outwardly I would call myself a feminist, and to be honest I really believed I was. But underneath that veneer of benevolence and vocal support for gender equality, I would be judging women on their behavior. In particular I’d judge women who I felt portrayed themselves as sexually adventurous only to get cold feet at the last minute, which in my chauvinistic ignorance I put down to a sort of posturing or pretentiousness.
I shudder writing those words now, and I’m disgusted at the ridiculous entitlement and the conceited and small minded view of female sexuality I used to hold.
Thankfully I am no longer like this, and what led me to my new way of thinking was the exhilarating and at the same time frightening experience of submitting to someone who was bigger and stronger and wanted to stick their dick in me. After putting myself in the same position as the women I had judged, I found myself having the same reactions
As a heterosexual man, I had always assumed penetration just felt good for women. Thinking that the act was in and of itself pleasurable, I deduced therefore that any last minute trepidation was due to – until then – well hidden conservative views of sexuality.
Well in reality most women don’t even orgasm from penetrative sex on it’s own. Most is almost an understatement when you consider the statistics range from around 70-95 per cent. And while science may be able to explain some of those away as some kink in biology, it would be ridiculous to assert that a lack of empathy and understanding of being penetrated on the part of their male partners is not a factor.
While for me being fucked feels good – hell it feels fucking great when done right – that feeling can disappear immediately if I begin to feel emotionally uncomfortable. And this can happen a lot faster than you might think when someone is trying to squeeze their cock inside you.
Letting someone inside you takes a lot of trust, and after having gone through it myself I realised how important state of mind was to enjoying being penetrated. I know this sounds rather self evident and I don’t doubt most straight men would acknowledge this as true, as I did in my pre anal sexual liberation days, but that is very different from experiencing it for yourself.
My first experience with being fucked in the ass was amazing. My partner and I had a very strong physical attraction and the whole experience felt natural and pleasurable. Emboldened by my new experience, I set out to find more partners with whom to indulge my new found anal adventurousness.
What I discovered was that despite me being eager to relive the experience, these new partners didn’t make me feel the same way my first partner had, and the sex was painful and uncomfortable. This was especially surprising to me because these subsequent partners were all significantly smaller than my first, and so I had assumed would be a walk in the park compared to my baptism by fiery dick.
Going back to my first partner, I found the sex just as enjoyable as the first time, maybe even more so, and it’s then that I realised the difference. While the other partners had done nothing wrong, and had been polite and kind and caring, my first got in my head before they got in my ass, and they waited for me to submit rather than taking it for granted because I was already in their bed.
Looking back on my relationships with women I couldn’t help but feel ashamed at how often I had taken their submission to be penetrated for granted. With my newfound anal enlightenment I began to re-address the way I saw and treated women in every way, but in particular when it came to sex. My sense of entitlement was then replaced by a respect for how much trust it took to be penetrated.
I won’t bore/entice you with a detailed breakdown of how said change practically affected my love making, but really the change was more emotional than it was physical. Now when I sleep with a woman instead of thinking about my pleasure, I focus on me and my partners state of mind. Are we present? Are we here in the moment together? Are we both enjoying this and if not what do we need to do to change that?
Not that I am saying that getting fucked in the ass will turn every dud lay into a Don Juan overnight. Nor am I saying every bisexual man feels and thinks the same way that I do. What I’m saying is that for me, experiencing what it’s like to be penetrated gave me perspective and showed me how sexually selfish I was being. Most importantly it gave me the understanding I needed to change.
Unfortunately, talking to the women in my life it seems this is a lesson a lot of straight men have yet to learn, the stories of their furious thrusting, as ineffectual as it is rapid and over all too soon being all too common. And that’s without getting into women being pressured into anal sex by their partners.
It is to the partners of these men that I dedicate this article to (possibly on the wrong media platform), and to whom I make this parting suggestion.
If your man seems less interested in your pleasure than his, fuck him in the ass and see if that helps.
It can’t hurt right?