HEAPS GAY. MANY NEWS. MUCH SUMMARY!

By Samuel Leighton-Dore

Heaps Gay news bites of the day!

#1 Teenager raped by ISIS chief, subsequently killed for being gay.

A 15-year-old teenager was reportedly captured in the house of his rapist, “an ISIS leader” on Thursday. The teen victim was then arrested and killed on charges of homosexuality, while his rapist, prominent officer Abu Zaid al-Jazrawi, was merely demoted from his leadership position and sent to the front lines after members of ISIS intervened with court proceedings.

It was also alleged that the two men might’ve been sharing an ongoing relationship.

I guess it’s cool to be a gay ISIS leader, so long as you’re not sexually assaulted by one. Pot. Kettle. Huh?

As appears to be routine punishment, the boy’s bound and blind-folded body was thrown from the top of the tallest building in central Deir ez-Zor, Northern Syria. It was reported by local media activists to Syrian news agency ARA that “the horrific execution took place in front of a large crowd.”

It was estimated last August by The United Nations that ISIS has so far executed over 30 people on charges of homosexuality.

#2 Utah Judge now unemployed for being major dick.

Judge Scott Johansen, the Utah judge who ordered a 9-month-old baby girl to be removed from her lesbian foster parents, has resigned after widespread criticism from decent American folk, it was announced on Monday. The baby was removed from the care of April Hoagland and Becky Peirce on November 10.

In what surely contributes to the man’s resoundingly shady character, Johansen has previously been reprimanded for slapping a young boy in court and ordering a woman to chop off her daughter’s ponytail.

Nice one.

#3 Jaden Smith appointed face of Louis Vuitton womenswear, gives zero fucks.

Jaden Smith has never shied away from his particular penchant for women’s clothing, and now he’s raking in big bucks for it – having been revealed as the new face of Louis Vuitton womenswear.

The LV S/S campaign images, shot by renowned photographer Bruce Weber, debuted on artistic director Nicolas Ghesquiere’s Instagram account on Saturday January 2nd.

Earlier this year, the proudly androgynous 17-year-old actor/musician/cool-dude wrote on Instagram that he, “Went to Topshop to buy some girl clothes, I mean clothes.” The statement accompanied an image of Smith wearing a super lovely shirtdress. Forever relatable, he also tweeted last year, “That moment when your (sic) wearing a dress with no pants and you swerve way too hard.”

We feel you, Jaden. We feel you.

#4 Romance dies at the hands of new dating app

Just in case you were concerned that romance was well and truly dead in the sordid world of gay dating apps, well, you were right. In fact, a new dating app is now requiring members to be voted into their community of dick pics and pearly-whites.

According to Jonas Cronfield, the co-founder of Hanky, 8 out of 10 applicants are rejected in the unnecessarily degrading process, which requires a minimum of three verified members to vouch for you as a solid date. But don’t worry, the creators have our best interests at heart.

“For a long time we’ve been fed up with the vibe of other gay apps,” he stated in a press release.

“We will probably never have 5 million members like some of these other apps because so many (people) get turned away. But we’ll choose quality over quantity any day.”

Oh, the nobility of it all.

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